From my book, The Lovecare Effect
Dana’s Story
This was Dana’s Surprise Phone Call!
Dana was dropping by the hospital out of duty for a quick visit. But that quick visit turned into a commitment that she knew would last for the rest of his life and a substantial part of her own. Although Dana’s father had never been there for her growing up, she didn’t hesitate to take on the responsibility of caring for him, knowing that it would be hers and hers alone. How do you explain this?
At first, as you can see by her text, that she was still haunted by the unresolved need for her father’s approval, perhaps the unconscious but motivating force behind her decision. Torn between a long-held anger and yet the need for his love, she drops everything and begins an unexpected journey that will change her life.
Dana had not seen her father for many years, avoiding him because of the hurtful history they had together. But in the midst of all these swirling emotions, Dana had to decide where she stood, not only with her father, but more so with her own values. She could stand in the shadows of the past or she could follow her principles when they counted the most. She chose to take care of him.
But caring for her father would not be her only challenge. The emotions that she began to feel after making this decision, exposed the open wounds that had never healed, tormenting her as if it were yesterday.
You may be thinking that Dana made a mistake by allowing herself to become so vulnerable, once again. But this is the power of choosing to become the primary caregiver rather than watching from the sidelines. This was Dana’s opportunity to heal and to live her life in the present instead of stuck in the past. Making this decision, although her father died before he could leave the hospital, was an utter leap of faith. On some level Dana knew the emotional issues she would have to face, and yet she did it anyway.
This text reveals the depth of how affected she was by the history they shared.
It took a while for her to absorb what was happening. I witnessed Dana, finally emerging from that little desperate girl seeking Daddy’s approval. She shared how it had affected her since childhood living every day with fear and anxiety, robbing her of a normal adulthood.
In the last days of his life, she stopped needing to work for his love. By having the courage to face her fears, Dana finally got to experience the greatest gift a parent can give to their child, unconditional love. This was the moment that changed her life. She finally felt what it was like to be loved simply for who she was. Dana was finally free.
In the end, it was her courage that won her freedom. That’s why caregiving is such a hero’s journey.
As I said before, every family is complicated in its own way. And everyone has to decide what’s really important in life, when it’s their turn.
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